But before I could even smile, I saw Qin Shu pick up a piece of fish covered in crushed peppers and put it in her mouth. She squinted contentedly and said:
"Zimu, you're so good at picking restaurants! I love this."
Cheng Zimu gently poured her a glass of lemon water: "Take your time, be careful not to choke."
"How did you know my preferences?"
"I noticed you tended to choose spicy dishes when we ate together before."
I stared in disbelief. Qin Shu liked spicy food?
But during our first date, she clearly told me she rarely ate spicy things.
The impact of this warm scene before me made my vision darken for several seconds. Suddenly I remembered an insignificant detail from the past.
When we weren't dating yet, during a guitar club dinner, I accidentally ate a piece of meat that looked harmless but was extremely spicy. It made me tear up and cough uncontrollably.
That's when a bottle of mineral water was handed to me.
"Can't handle spicy food?"
I nodded. After drinking half the bottle, I turned to see the smiling girl with crescent moon eyes. She laughed:
"Then you're missing out on so much fun!"
It was Qin Shu.
So she actually liked spicy food, but to accommodate me, she claimed not to eat spicy for all those years.
The warm restaurant lights reflected off the pristine marble floor, making me dizzy.
When I regained my composure, they were already leaving. Qin Shu clung to his arm, looking up excitedly: "Let's come here again next time. I love it."
That gentle, beautiful smile - I used to be the recipient of that too.
During graduation year, when I needed to do field research for my thesis on intangible cultural heritage, Qin Shu insisted on accompanying me to a traditional pottery workshop.
We stayed there two weeks. Qin Shu enthusiastically made various teacups, clay bowls, and vases. Two teacups had our names clumsily carved on them, though mine was shattered during an argument.
On our last morning there, she had clung to my arm exactly like this, looking up with smiling eyes:
"Let's come here again next time. I love it."
Next time?
I never took her back.
5
I didn't follow them shopping, but wandered aimlessly through the city until I spotted Gu Li in a café.
She sat in a brown sofa wearing a beige dress, a laptop before her. This was my first time seeing her since my death. Just like in memory, she remained elegant and beautiful.
Gu Li was my high school classmate. Before Qin Shu, I'd liked her for four years. But she loved a humorous rich boy who outclassed me completely in family background alone.
After my confession was gently rejected post-graduation, she dated that guy and went abroad with him during our sophomore year.
When we met again after her breakup and return, she smiled: "Zhou Yao, you've changed so much."
At that time, I still harbored uncontrollable longing for this white moonlight. Trying to stay calm, I asked:
"Oh? Like what?"
"More handsome, mature, and successful."
After graduation I started my own business. By our reunion, I already had a company. The trials of commerce had transformed me into someone new. My labels now included:
Handsome and wealthy.
But the person who accompanied my rise was Qin Shu.
I wonder if all successful men become like this - recklessly pursuing white moonshadows and first loves, repeatedly accepting invitations.
Looking back, it was probably hidden resentment - unwillingness from past dismissals.
But at the time I didn't realize. To avoid being labeled faithless, I even forced Qin Shu to be the one to break up.
Only after she left did I understand - my feelings for Gu Li were just nostalgia filtered through time, while my love for Qin Shu required her departure to recognize.
Through the glass, I suddenly saw Gu Li as no different from any other passerby in my life. Whether coming or going, I felt nothing.
Only Qin Shu made me pray countless times this past year, willing to pay any price for another chance at love.
When I stumbled back to Qin Shu's apartment, she had just finished washing up and was curled on the sofa unpacking her purchases.
The coffee table was covered with small boxes containing handmade crafts. She always did this - buying little trinkets while shopping. I used to question their value compared to gold or art.
"These enhance happiness! Imagine having these at home - so warm! See this smiling sunflower? It'll make you think of me!" She'd said, holding the sunflower decoration to her cheek, adorable and warm.
That sunflower had stayed on my office desk ever since.
When she left, she didn't take those "warm" items. Yet the apartment still turned cold. I realized - that warmth came from her presence.
And I'd probably never feel that warmth again.
6
I couldn't accept losing her like this. We were just arguing - I never cheated. Why did it lead to eternal separation?
This past year, I never saw Qin Shu reminisce about me. Now she's built a new life. I envy that man, hate how he's overwritten my traces in her memories.
I refuse to believe their happiness will last. The honeymoon phase always ends. Conflicts emerge. People change - after all, that's exactly how we drifted apart.
